Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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