my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize