speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
