If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize