Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
