i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
