You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
