I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
