your parents love me but you hate me
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
