I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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