I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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