Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
