i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
