guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
