drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
