My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
