girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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