my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
