I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
