wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just tell him i said nine months
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
