Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
