I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
