so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize