I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize