i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
