I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
