I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
