Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
