standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
