I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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