I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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