I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
