Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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