Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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