i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it was like eating out sand paper
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
