I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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