Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
