You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
