His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think your dad took our porno
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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