Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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