so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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