kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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