im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
