At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
