My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
