I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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