would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I am naked and annoyed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
