I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
