something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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