He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Your penis caused this!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
