I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
