i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
