one might say we're banned from that church
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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