if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
