I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
