:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
