Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize