i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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