soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
