Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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