Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
