even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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