He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
