he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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