fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We have started to decorate penises.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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