This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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