I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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