life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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