I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
